one year summary

it's been almost a year since i stopped by my blog and portfolio site.
i've managed to neglect my very first rule—writing every day—right off the bat.
i don't want to cling to excuses, but a lot has happened in my life.

in april, on my first day back at work after annual leave, i was let go.
on september 4th, my mother passed away.
apart from these two major events, i had my ups and downs, but i can say that these life events, which could deeply shake a person, found me in the best version of myself.
with god's help, i handled it calmly.
yes, life just flows by with what happens to us while we are busy making plans.

in my early forties, i am unemployed and an orphan.
my plans are to stay in the uk and let my son build his education and early memories here.
i'm getting by on my severance pay, and that money is running out fast :)
status check: am i calm? alhamdulillah, i am calm.

since the beginning of 2025, i've taken steps in my inner world toward doing the things i hadn't done and felt the lack of.
maybe this journey actually started a year before 2025, when our son was born.
the thought of what kind of role model i would be to him, and realizing there were far more things i didn't want to pass on to him than things i did, felt terrifying to me.

i was going to pass on "me", "my truths", "what i know", "the values that belong to me"—but what were they?
there were things that "made me, me," but how much of them were truly "mine"?
maybe it sounds a bit like borderline and anxiety, but unable to get out of this state and going through crises, i eventually had a bipolar episode.

after a bad psychotic episode, i was tossed into a beautiful place: being able to set boundaries, examining every value i had called "me" up until now...
a person looks for a touchstone as a bearing!
that's when you realize; a higher human, the highest one should be taken as an example.
to be inherited as a prototype.
here comes the software developer's ode!

for now, let these scattered notes mark my return to blogging!
the first rule was too strict, i'm updating it: write as much as you can, as much as you want to.

love, sea of the internet.